Last Thursday 300 oil industry bigwigs at GO-EXPO (Canada's largest oil conference) heard an outrageous plan to "keep the fuel flowing" in the face of catastrophic climate change and natural disasters. The idea? Use disaster victims' corpses for fuel of course!
Exxon Mobil exec "Florian Osenberg" said not to worry about the future millions of dead people, mainly poor, because they would provide "feedstock" for Vivoleum, a new energy source distilled from human flesh. National Petroleum Council rep Shepherd Wolff called it the renewable resource the industry has been needing: "Something like whales, but more abundant."
Osenberg and Wolf explained that Vivoleum works in perfect synergy with Exxon. "The company's expanded fossil fuel production will lead to catastrophic climate change, resulting in migration and conflicts that would likely disable pipelines and oil wells, thus ceasing the production and transport of food, and starving humanity."
Osenberg continued, "Wouldn't it be equally cruel and tragic for all those corpses to go to waste, instead of being turned into fuel for the rest of us?
Commemorative candles made of Vivoleum, supposedly obtained from the flesh of an Exxon janitor who died while cleaning up a toxic spill, were lit and passed around by the rapt audience. It wasn't until viewing a video tribute featuring a janitor pleading to be rendered into candles after his death that Osenberg and Wolff were forcibly escorted from the stage.
Too bad that the conference organizers didn't realize Osenberg and Wolff were really master hoaxers THE YES MEN. The Yes Men are Andy Bichlbaum and Mike Bonanno, two culture jammers who regularly impersonate executives from the world's nastiest corporations, then get themselves invited to speak at conferences on their behalf. While in the spotlight they exercise "identity correction" by telling the truths that the companies would never admit. www.theyesmen.org
Liz Cole is booking speaking dates for Andy and Mike for fall 2007 and winter/spring 2008. Yay! Bring them to your town, and they will share unreleased video, secrets and stories from their latest exploits. which will be featured in the new film, slated for festival release in 2008.
Text of speech, photos, video: http://www.vivoleum.com/event/
GO-EXPO statement: http://newswire.ca/en/releases/archive/June2007/14/c5086.html
press links:
BOING BOING: http://www.boingboing.net/2007/06/15/yes_men_crash_oil_ex.html
WIRED: http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2007/06/yes_men_strike_.html
SCOOP: http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/WO0706/S00281.htm
DAILY KOS: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2007/6/14/214445/536
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